Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

~Alice~

It's been three weeks since we lost Yvonne. Sometimes the pain is so great that I'm almost moved to write a country song. Instead I normally just make myself a drink (but hey, isn't that always the answer?). Any way, my partner in crime and I had little time to mourn before we were blessed with a new addition to the intern family. Her name is Caitlin and she has blonde hair and blue eyes. I think she has Jenn's nose.

Manic Monday had it's own surprises this week: the triumphant return of Justin Dickerson, intern extraordinare. Fresh off his marathon high, Justin returned to the trenches to deliver mail and bring cheer. That day I think the clerk at Koo Koo Roo saw the same thing that I did-- a crazed employee and a newspaper whose love dare not speak its name. Shh...

The bunker won't be the same for the next few weeks. Jenn and I are leaving for bigger and better things. Okay, that's a lie but we are leaving for activities that are much hotter than sitting in a cubicle. A sprinkle of Cabo and a splash of Orlando and you get our champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

Not my best day...

~ Jenn~

Ok. So. Intern Yvonne (pronoucned Eh-vonne. Not Eee-vone. Not Ya-vonne. It's french. And don't you forget it) has been promoted to bigger and better things (and a slightly smaller space in which to make a giant mess). Therefore she took it upon herself today to have a "day off" to prepare for the upcoming onslaught of a (gasp!) real job. This means that I am all by myself today. As such, I have had some alone time to make a variety (ha!) of observations.

- It is literally disturbing to me how many people would rather walk all the way back to the intern desk to ask us to mail or fax something. It is of course within my job description to perform such a task, but what is bothersome to me is that in the time that it takes to write out the phone number, fax number, mailing address, etc... and walk all the way back here and explain to me what it is that they want done... They could have done it themselves. Twice. Is it that they just enjoy passing off tasks to someone with a lower job title? Is it a power thing? Are they really that terrified of the fax machine? Are they hemophiliacs who would die from a paper cut? Really. I am dying to know what motivates them.

- When people say "thank you" to me while I am passsing stuff out to them I do not say "You are welcome" . I say "Umm Hmm" Everytime I say it I wonder if it comes across as rude. But surely they must understand that "you're welcome" is alot of words for a girl who must literally pass out hundreds of items to dozens of people each day. Either that or they call me "the rude intern". I guess that is more distinguishing than "that intern over there" or "you know, one of those girls at the back".

- The sound of the fax machine has become lulling. It makes me want to nap. Then again at 3:30 in the afternoon the sound of a jackhammer would make me want to nap.

- I haven't gotten any worthwhile email since this morning. I feel like I am Jack Bauer experiencing heroine withdrawl. I need a hit man. I need something in my inbox that is specifically to me, not to a listserve and not an ad. I need something with juicy , personal, or at least vaguely interesting written inside of it. Even an email from my mom would be nice about now.

- I had the hiccups for a better part of an hour. You want to get peoples attention in an office? Be the only person with hiccups with your head mostly hidden by a cubicle wall. Everytime you hiccup you can see people's heads pop up like little mice looking for the source of the noise. Eventually someone called my extension and suggested water.

- I have had a lovely email exchange with one reporter who had the unhappy task of assigning me a boring press release to write up earlier today.
This is maybe my third exchange of this kind with a random person in the office who feels compelled to actually communicate with the intern who lightens their work load. As of yet, these exchanges have not led to lasting friendships. Although on occasion these few people will nod at me in the kitchen or even hold the elevator for me. So I suppose that is an improvement.

I actually look forward to coming into the office on Fridays. Hanging out with alice makes the job alot easier. Awww aren't I sweet. But it is true! And the best part about her? Her name isn't even close to being french.

And now for a segment we like to call....

~Jenn~
THE INTERN AWARDS
Yes, everyone these days has awards show fever, even us lowly interns. So, in honor of the "kudofest" spirit, Alice and I would like to bestow a few awards upon our collegues:

Most Improved Work Space:
We had a tie in this category. Joe and Anthony both made dramatic strides to drastically reduce the amount of crap on their desk. However, when we added in the component of "longevity of organization" we had to conceed that Joe is more likely to remain organized at least until mid March, were as the ever insane Anthony will be buried under hundreds of unneccessary faxes in less than a week.

** as a side note, there were many others who would have been considered as nominees in this category due to the sheer chaos of their cubicles. Those nominees would have included Gabriel, Todd, and Brian. However, they were apparently not attracted to the glitter and fame of an Intern Award and thus made no attempt to distinguish themselves as competitors for this award. In other words, they are still surrounded by a big f*&%ing mess.

Most Organized Work Space Regardless of Amount of Stuff
Ana Lisa (Oodles of stuff. All in it's place. Remarkable really.)

Fashion Victim Award
Several people are up for this award every day. But they were all put to shame by the prison-jumpsuit/nuclear fallout orange glow of Tim's tie.

Person on whom the most amount of money is spent on postage
(aka Who Got The Most Mail)
This week was a little slow in the mail department, so there was no clear overall winner. So we will award a winner in each of four DISTINGUISHED categories.
"Front of the Office" - Phil
"Back of the Office" - Tie - Stuart and Brian
"Left side of the Office" - Ana Lisa
"Right Side of the Office" - Jon

As you can see, each person was in contention within a very elite category. It is a tough race. But the person who comes out on top is OBVIOUSLY the cool person on their side of the office. How would you feel if you were the tool who only got like two pieces of mail all week and both of them were promotional post cards with your name mispelled on them.

To be fair, we left out two very prominent mail hoggers when we awarded the above honors. Dade and Army, we recognize your prowess when it comes to recieving fed-ex packages, but we felt that it was time for a new generation of stars to get their due. You already have the bigger offices, and Dade, you even have a tv and dvd player, so no hard feelings about missing out on this Intern Award.

Where Have All The Crazies Gone?

~Alice~
It's true, the light drizzle outside has kept our beloved staffers at home. Maybe it's a precautionary step; remember how the Wicked Witch made out with her puddle? Alas, the light drizzle has kept the crazies away from the phones as well. I miss them. Without my rambling, scary, mentally unstable phone friends I have no one to tell me how The Man is controlling my mind. What if the guy from Wichita had more premonitions about Brad and Jen? What if Earl really went ahead with his feud between Oprah and Eddie Murphy? These are things I wonder. I feel so used.

Oh-- what? What's that? Yes, Box Office I'm coming back. I would never leave you. I think you would hurt me if I tried.

A Dreary Day in Beverly Hills....

~ Jenn ~
Well. It's Friday again. Heavy rains have scared off most of the people who come in on Friday to check their email and surf on Ebay. So today it's only the hardcores (aka a few senior editors and some reporters with deadlines) and the interns. And that bald guy in the back who's name we still don't know. Were it not for the warm company of my partner in crime, Miss Alice Walton, the day would surely be crawling by at a most depressing rate. Luckily for me, although her name may conjure images of a girl in a prarie skirt and apron churning butter and praying for salvation in her spare time... Miss Walton is anything but boring. But you can find that out for yourself when you read what she has to say.

Today The Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences has sent us 63 pages of fax. Half of those were addressed to people who no longer work here. If I had a dollar for every paper cut the academy has cost me as I sort the "unwanted rubbish" faxes from the "maybe someone might glance at this before they throw it away" ... well. That would be alot of dollars.

Ok. More later. I actually just received an assignment. In the mean time I will let Alice introduce her self....